Getting back together with an Ex
Getting back together with an ex can be risky. Things didn’t work out first time so you need to be realistic and think about why you think it’ll work this time.
Reasons why you would want to get back together with an ex
Having already been in a relationship with your ex, getting back together with them will feel very familiar therefore comforting to you. This can be very enticing when considering reconciling, but don’t let this feeling of familiarity blind you into making a rushed decision you may regret.
You feel safe
Having had experience of being in a relationship with your ex, you will have numerous memories, many of them involving you feeling safe with them. The thought of meeting new people and not knowing what they are truly like as a person can be daunting, which can lead you back into the arms of the person who made you feel safe.
You already know them
After being in a relationship the thought of starting from scratch meeting someone and getting to know him or her can be disheartening. As you already know your ex it can make sense to make things work with them if you are both willing. However if it is simply because it seems like a much easier option, this isn’t a good enough reason to make another go of your relationship.
You missed them so much
Often a break up can make you both realise how much you missed each other and the intensity of your feelings. If you recognise and are willing to face up to the problems you had first time round and you truly love each other, then there is a good chance you can make it work between you.
Reasons why you shouldn’t get back together with an ex
Reason for splitting
Relationships end for many different reasons. In order to get back together with someone the reason for splitting needs to be accepted by both involved and forgiven in order to move on. If the reason for splitting is constantly in your thoughts or mentioned on a regular basis then there is little hope for getting past it and it’s only a matter of time before it causes a second split.
You can fall right back into old habits therefore problems that caused your relationship to end the first time will still be there. If there is a particular habit that was the original cause of the relationship breakdown then this needs to be addressed otherwise the same thing will happen again.
Loss of trust
When your relationship with someone falls apart, your trust with him or her also ends. Trust is vital for a relationship to work and without trust you can never have a truly happy honest partnership.
Things you once fought about will rear their ugly heads and before long you’ll fight about the same things and have the same resentments as before.
If your partner previously cheated on you and you agree to get back together, you are basically telling them you will work things out if they cheat again. If you’ve taken them back once they’ll believe you’ll take them back again therefore the chances of them straying in the future are greater if they think they’ll get away with it. Alternatively, if you were the one who cheated, be prepared for your ex to question your every move. This in time will become unbearable putting more strain on an already fragile relationship.
While you were apart
During the time you were separated, there’s a good chance that your ex partner dated other people. This may have made them realise what they’re missing with you, but it can be hard to accept that they had romantic encounters with others. This is something that will play on your mind and you might find yourself asking questions about those people and comparing yourself to them. In time it may become intolerable and you could possibly ruin your relationship with your insecurities.
Are you getting back together for the wrong reasons?
You feel lonely
Loneliness is not a good enough reason to get back together with an ex. It can be hard and you may feel alone at times, but it’s not fair to make another go of a relationship just because you want company. There are other ways to have company that don’t involve using an ex. Try moving forward and meeting someone new instead of returning to the past for the wrong reason.
You hate being single
Some people have the need to constantly be in a relationship can can’t bear the thought of being single. Being in a relationship just for the sake of it wastes time for all involved and is certainly not a valid reason to get back together with an ex.
Feeling pressurised from your ex to give it another go, or even your family or kids is not fair on you. You should only give your relationship another try if it’s something you really want to do and have thought it through carefully. You’re the one who will be with this person; therefore it’s your decision, not anyone else’s. Your ex shouldn’t put this unnecessary pressure on you, if they’re pressuring you at this stage, they could also put pressure on you further down the line about other decisions.
Many couples share homes together including bills and necessities. If left to pay the bills on your own, it can become a real struggle. Getting back with an ex simply to help you out financially isn’t a valid reason to make another go of your relationship. It’s something you will need to sort out, but using your ex just to pay the bills will only lead to future heartache.
Scared of dating again
It’s perfectly natural to feel scared of dating again, the majority of people who return to the dating world find it daunting. The easy option is to return to your ex, but it’s not necessarily the best option. Initially it may seem the best choice for you, but you have to be honest to yourself and ask if you’re getting back with your ex because it saves you having to start the whole dating process again.
If you do get back together with an ex
The decision to make another go of your relationship with an ex shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is a major decision that can have a big impact on your future. If your ex was the one who broke up with you, be cautious and don’t jump straight back into the relationship as it was before. Take things a little slower and ease yourself back into it. Alternatively if you were the one who caused your relationship to end, then you need to be prepared for your ex to be cautious with you and accept that the break up could have changed them slightly, therefore don’t expect things to be as they were before. If your ex caused you heartache previously remember that actions speak louder than words. They may say they’ll change their ways but until they start to prove it then you shouldn’t get too comfortable. There’s nothing to say things won’t work out between you both second or even third time round, but it will take acceptance and willingness on both parts to make a relationship successful.