How to overcome dating fears

Dating fears differ from person to person and are very common. Identifying your dating fear is one thing, but knowing how to overcome it is another. Please see our articles What do men fear the most about dating and What do women fear the most about dating for common dating worries. Before you can overcome your fears you need to acknowledge them. Only once you are aware of your fears and are willing to take action to overcome them, will you be able to take a step in the right direction. Here are some steps you can take to help you overcome your dating fear and hopefully reduce the obstacles holding you back from dating.

Take small steps

If the general thought of dating is daunting to you, focus on meeting people with the intention of being friends rather than a date. Once you become more confident with meeting new people you can turn your attention to meeting people to date. By meeting others as friends you gain more social experience, which will be to your advantage when you go on dates.

Write your fears down

Write your fears down and reread them. Seeing your feelings on paper sometimes makes you realise how small the fear is and it might help you understand why you feel that way.

Be realistic

Many people fear rejection before dating. Instead of believing the next person they date will be ‘the one’ be realistic and simply go on the date with an open mind. Never assume a long-term relationship will blossom from one date, simply have a good time and if future dates occur, that’s a bonus. Setting high goals will only lead to disappointment.

No more excuses

Facing your fears can help you overcome them, however frightening the thought is. The alternative is to stay single and be alone, regretting not making a move forward and meeting people. You may feel safer being single to avoid heartache, but in the long run you are the one that may have regrets. Stop making excuses to avoid meeting new people and take action.

Talk about your fears

Whether you talk to friends or family, it can help to share your dating worries. Others are good at looking from a different perspective and could make you realise how unnecessary and insignificant your fears are. As well as making you feel a whole lot better your friends and family will be there for reassurance at any time should you need it. Alternatively you could even talk to the person you’re dating, depending on what your worries are. This honesty with a partner could bring you closer together and even put an end to your dating fear completely.

Take action

Your future partner isn’t just going to turn up on your doorstep. Stop dwelling on the ‘what might happen’ part of dating; start thinking positively and tell yourself you deserve to be happy and meet someone special. You need to take action and get out into the world to meet people. Ask friends to arrange a blind date with one of their friends, join an online dating website, join a club, go out with friends and give yourself the opportunity to meet others.

Get out of your comfort zone

As with any fear you’re always going to be a bit uncomfortable facing them. Don’t just run away at your first doubt, push yourself through it and you’ll probably realise it wasn’t as bad as you’d thought. It takes just one bad dating experience to put you off dating and start creating a fear, but by working through it you will grow as a person and feel better for it.

Listen to your fear

Be aware of your fears but don’t let them hold you back. Sometimes your natural instinct can be right, so don’t be too hard on yourself by not ignoring your fears completely. You need to learn to listen to your fears without allowing them to control your happiness and chances of meeting a future partner.

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