How to Avoid Looking Desperate when Dating
If you’ve met someone and you’re really keen to make it work, it can be hard not to dive right in and put the rest of your life on hold. By concentrating purely on your new relationship, you will appear desperate and in time the person you’re dating will become aware of it. To avoid looking desperate when dating, make sure you follow these steps to help you achieve a healthier relationship.
Don’t be instantly available
Dating someone you really like is exciting, but don’t get carried away and be instantly available. They can’t just expect you to drop what you’re doing to go on a date with them. Although in your head you’ll want to see them immediately, if you are always available you’ll start to appear desperate. If they call you up to go out and you’re busy, tell them. Don’t quickly change your plans to suit them, suit yourself. Simply arrange to see them when you do have time. That way they’ll appreciate you have your own life outside of the relationship.
Don’t just “put up with it”
By staying in a relationship because you’re desperate to be with someone rather than be single, you will find yourself putting up with a lot of things you wouldn’t normally put up with. You become blinded by it, as you’re so keen to stay together. Being treated poorly will become part of the relationship in your eyes, and you’ll find yourself making excuses to others on how you’re treated. Admitting to yourself that you’re treated poorly is the first step in realising that the relationship isn’t healthy.
Don’t initiate all the phone calls
Don’t always be the one to initiate the phone calls, give them a chance to call you too. That doesn’t mean waiting by the phone for them to ring. If you’re always calling them, they’ll start to notice and you could come across as needy.
Avoid texting all the time
Sending text messages a couple of times a day is perfectly acceptable, and responding to messages they send you is fine; but if you text them constantly throughout the day you’ll be perceived as being desperate. You may find they start to ignore some of your many messages or their responses will be short and blunt.
Don’t tell lies
When getting to know each other you might be tempted to exaggerate your past and imply you’re different to whom you really are. Whether you lie about your job, previous relationships, hobbies, appearance or act completely different, the truth will eventually come out and you’ll be left having to explain why you lied in the first place. Your initial insecurity and desperation will be revealed.
Don’t continuously buy them gifts
It’s nice to buy a gift now and again, just as a kind gesture, but when you start buying expensive gifts on a regular basis, your date will know something is going on. If your date truly likes you, then they’ll question why you’re buying them so many extravagant presents. Trying to explain that you don’t want to lose them will certainly create doubt in their mind and your desperation will be apparent. Also, by showering them with gifts all the time you risk being taken advantage of financially. Money can buy nice gifts and a nice life but it can’t buy love.
Avoid being clingy
When you start dating someone it’s understandable you’d want to spend every minute of the day with them, and know all about their life. Wondering what they get up to when they’re not with you will also be playing on your mind. If you ask continuous questions about what they get up to when they’re not with you, it’s only a matter of time until they realise you’re being clingy, appear jealous and desperate to know everything about them, instead of allowing it to happen naturally.
Don’t constantly seek reassurance
You’re certain to show your desperate side if you constantly require reassurance about your relationship. Wanting to know how they feel about you and needing regular compliments will become tiresome after a while.
Avoid discussing the future
Talking about a long-term future together early on when dating someone is usually a great way to scare them off. You might be picturing yourself living with them, or walking down the aisle, but it’s best to leave those thoughts to yourself for now. Get to know each other first and leave future talk for further down the line.
Don’t suggest meeting the family
Inviting the person you’re dating to meet the family is quite a major step. It shows a level of seriousness on your part, which could be too much for your date to handle if it’s suggested too soon. Once you’ve been dating for a while it’s natural to meet the family, but leave it until you both feel comfortable. Introducing your date to your family early on could be seen as desperation on your part.
Avoid introducing the kids
If children are involved you must be careful not to play with their emotions by introducing them to your date too soon. You’ll still be getting to know your date yourself, so wait until way down the line to introduce them. It’s vital that you trust your date before allowing them to meet your kids, so be cautious. The last thing you want is for your kids to get attached to your new date and become heart broken if things don’t work out. Alternatively your kids may not react they way you’d hoped when meeting your date. Either way, you’ll be playing with their emotions, plus your date’s emotions, which isn’t fair. You’ll appear desperate if you use your children’s feelings to make them stay in a relationship with you. Keep it simple for a while and get to know your date yourself before allowing them anywhere near your kids. For more information for dating when you have children, please see the article ‘8 Ways to get back into Dating for Single Parents.’
Don’t offer intimacy too soon
You may think you need to be intimate with someone early on to keep them wanting to see you, but it can have the opposite effect. Offering yourself on a plate will give off the wrong impression and your date will believe you’re only after a physical relationship and nothing more. If there’s a serious chance of a relationship between you both, they’ll be willing to wait until you have connected emotionally before turning it into a physical relationship.
Don’t keep “turning up” wherever your date is
If you just ‘happen’ to turn up unannounced to where your date is, whether it’s at their work place, at their house or when they’re out with friends; they’ll start to wonder why you’re so keen to see them all the time. Turning up unexpected the odd time can be flattering and a pleasant surprise, but if it starts to happen too often, they’re sure to realise you’re acting out of desperation.