Dating a Friend

Is it a Good Idea to Date a Friend?

It is down to your personal judgement whether you feel it is a good idea to ask a friend out. You need to be clear in your head whether you are asking them out because you feel romantically attracted to them, or if you are just lonely and you enjoy spending time with them. It is normal to feel confused about you feelings, but you must be clear about them before you disclose them to other people. Discussing it with other friends could lead to your friend finding out, so it is best to make the decision yourself. If you are in a dilemma about asking out a friend, take some time to read the points outlined below.

Advantages of dating a friend

  • You don't have to go through the process of meeting or approaching them for the first time.
  • You will know information about them already such as their likes and dislikes.
  • You will know if they are truly single.
  • If you are in a group of friends you will all know each other and won't have the problem of your date and friends not getting along.

Disadvantages of dating a friend

  • By trading in a friendship for a relationship you risk losing both if things don't work out between you.
  • Although you will know your date, you won't know them romantically. There is a lot to learn about them in that way.
  • If things don't work out between you, you risk dividing a group of friends.
  • If your friend rejects you, it can become very awkward and end your friendship.
  • If your friend finds out about your feelings towards them before you have a chance to ask them out, there is a chance your friend could avoid you, having the opposite effect you want to achieve.
  • If a relationship doesn't work out but you manage to save some sort of friendship, it will never be the same as before.
  • Be prepared for mixed emotions from friends towards your new relationship. Some will be happy for you, but others may not feel so enthusiastic for you and some could even be jealous.

Dating a Friend – The Do's

  • Make sure you are certain you are romantically interested in your friend, otherwise you could lose a good friend.
  • Be clear and upfront about your feelings right from the start. This will help to reduce mixed signals and any confusion.
  • Tell mutual friends early on about you dating so they don't feel like you have kept secrets from them.
  • When you go on a date together, go somewhere new to you both that isn't associated with your friendship. Avoid going to places you went with your group of friends.
  • Avoid group dates, at the beginning anyway. You want to spend quality time getting to know each other in a different way and having friends about is a major distraction.
  • Prior to asking a friend out, think seriously about the consequences of your actions.
  • Remember your group friends will be affected by your decision to ask out a friend.

Dating a Friend – The Don'ts

  • Never date a friend because you are lonely or on the rebound. That is not the basis to start a relationship on and will end in one or both of you getting hurt.
  • Don't believe you are a perfect match and will live happily ever after. It is possible, but don't assume that is the case as you could be set for disappointment.
  • If you know your friend isn't the type of person who wants a long term relationship, but you do, don't kid yourself into thinking they will change for you. They might act the same with you as they have with past partners, so don't be fooled into thinking it will be different this time.
  • If you have an issue with the new relationship, don't talk to your mutual friends about it as it will only create awkwardness and embarrassment for your date, your friends and even you.

Can a relationship work between friends?

Some say the basis of a good relationship is friendship. Knowing each other well is a great start, while there is still room to learn new things about each other but in a romantic way. If both people are dedicated and serious about making things work, then there is no real reason why is shouldn't work out.

Additional Resources