Writing messages to other members

How you write messages to other members is just as important as how you wrote your online dating profile. The main objective of writing to others is to impress them but enjoying yourself at the same time. Good communication skills are essential for impressing a potential date along with good grammar. A great advantage of writing messages on a dating website is that you can think about what you want to say giving you the opportunity to put your best messages forward.

Writing Messages - General Advice

The most important thing you can do before you send a message is to check it thoroughly. Look for possible grammar or spelling mistakes. You want to come across as being well educated and composed. If it helps, you could write your messages in Word where you can do a spell check just to make sure it is correct. It is also advised not to use internet slang and phrases such as “lol” and not to shorten words to numbers. Some people find it difficult reading messages made up of internet slang. Try to be yourself when writing a message and stay true to your character. If the person you are writing to says something that you don't agree with, don't pretend that you agree with them otherwise you will not be staying true to your character. Don't message someone more than once a day without a response as you may come across as being desperate. There is no harm in a little flirting when writing a message, but don't overdo it, so dirty talk and pictures are best avoided.

Help! What do I write?

The easiest way to write messages to other members is to ask questions. This will show that you are interested in the person you are messaging and will make sure that the message you write isn't just all about you. Start with general unrestricted questions that aren't intrusive and try to avoid questions to do with money and sensitive topics. By asking intrusive questions you may come across as being obsessed, a stalker, or even trying to steal someone's identity. Try not to ask a long list of questions that will take an extensive time to write answers to. The last thing you want to do is sound like you are interrogating the person you are messaging, aim to make your message flow like a conversation. It is important to think carefully about the questions you wish to ask. Before you write any questions, check that they are questions you would feel comfortable answering if you were asked them and it may help if you imagine you are asking the questions face to face. Safe topics to ask questions on or write about could include; hobbies, films, music, work, pets, food, sport and general interests. Bear in mind that because you have asked your potential date questions, you may be asked similar questions back, so be prepared for this.

Responding to a message

It is entirely up to you whether or not you choose to reply to a message. There is no rule that says you must reply to all messages so don't feel forced to do so. If you don't feel comfortable replying to a message, then don't. Replying should be fun and not make you feel uncomfortable.

It is sometimes easier when responding to a message rather than starting a conversation, as the person you are answering will have set the ball rolling and will probably have given you some starting points in the way of questions. Once you have answered the questions it is a good idea to ask similar questions back, or ask some of your own but remembering not to be intrusive. It is up to you how quickly you respond to a message. There is no reason to delay responding, unless you don't have the time or opportunity, but on the other hand there is no rush. Send a reply in your own time making sure you are happy with what you have written.

Getting a response

Don't expect to get an immediate response from a message. Try to be patient and check your inbox on a daily basis. It may take a day, a week or even longer for someone to reply to you. Remember that not everyone uses a computer everyday; some people may use a friend or relatives computer therefore relying on other people before they can check their inbox. Some people like to take their time writing messages to make sure they are entirely happy with what they have written, so their response may be a little delayed. Try to remember that everyone has something going on in their lives, so don't be disappointed if you don't get a rapid response.

Why didn't they reply?

That is one question you will rarely find the answer to. If you haven't had a response from a message or even if you have been sending messages to someone and they suddenly stop replying, it doesn't mean it is due to anything you have done. How can you have done something wrong by just sending a message show your interest? The best way to deal with not having a response is simply to just move on. You may be disappointed if you have been chatting to someone regularly who you feel you have a connection with and they just stop, but you mustn't let that one person stop you from having fun chatting to others. There could be a perfectly valid reason for someone not replying to you such as; they may have met someone else, they are on holiday, their computer may be broken, they may be unwell, or have work commitments. It could just simply be that they aren't interested in you and they don't know how to tell you, so ignoring messages seems like the easiest option for them, although it may come across as being quite harsh. Remember that some people are quite shy and it has taken a lot of courage for them to join a dating website, so it may just take time for them to pluck up the courage to reply to messages. It may seem like another excuse, but it could also be the truth. You must remember that just because you send someone a message it doesn't mean that they are obliged to reply. Instead of being disappointed about the members who don't reply to you, concentrate your enthusiasm on the members who do reply to you.