What to do when a date does not work out

What to do when a date does not work out for you? If you don't tell them then they will always wonder what happened and think they did something wrong which could really have an impact on someone's confidence and possibly put them off dating altogether. Even if you feel the date went well, it doesn't automatically mean that you have to arrange a second date, so don't feel pressurised into doing so.

If you do not want a second date

If you don't want to tell someone at the end of a date that you don't wish to see them again, then you could always send them an email. It can be hard trying to break the news to someone face-to-face, especially when you don't know them that well and you don't know how they will react. For more safety advice, please see our article about meeting in person.

If you send someone an email explaining that you don't wish to arrange a second date, remember to be polite. Just because you don't want to see them again doesn't mean you can be rude to them. Try to keep the email short but firm and remain polite and fair. It helps if you treat them how you would like to be treated. If they email you back asking why you don't want to arrange a second date, it is important that you are honest with them, but remain discreet and kind. For example, you could explain that you didn't feel the chemistry was right between you. Try not to get too involved in discussing their negative points. You only want to decline a second date, not start an unnecessary argument. Also, remember to thank them for the first date, the entire email doesn't have to be negative.

If you feel comfortable telling your date to their face that you don't wish to see them again then try to keep the same points as above in mind. Be honest and kind and end the date in a civil manner. Again remember to say thank you for the date and leave it at that. If you have no desire to see them again, don't create false hope. When you tell your date that you don't wish to arrange a second date, try to do it in a public place just in case they react badly.

If they do not want a second date

Even if you feel the date went well, it doesn't automatically mean there will be a second date, so don't presume there will be until it has been mentioned. If your date doesn't wish to arrange a second date with you, you must not despair. Try to accept it with good grace and don't interrogate them for reasons. Listen to what they have to say as they may mention some valid points and in the long run they may be things you could work on in order to be more successful at dating. The probable reason is that the chemistry wasn't right between you and this isn't anyone's fault. Your date may make excuses for why they don't wish to meet you again, so try not to take everything they say to heart.

It is important to remember that you can't have chemistry with everyone. Try to enjoy the dates you go on and if it is unsuccessful, try to learn from it so that the next date you go on is that bit better. For example, the date may have been at the perfect location, but at the wrong time of day, so next time you arrange a date, it will be at the perfect location at the ideal time of day. You must try to stay positive if a date doesn't go as well as you had hoped and put it down to practice but most importantly you must persevere.

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