Dating a Friend’s Ex

Dating a friend’s ex can be risky and you need to carefully consider if it’s what you really want. Other factors such as, how long ago your friend split from their ex, how serious they were, who broke up with who, and how you think your friend will react, are all things you need to think about.

Consider the consequences

Before you act upon any feelings you have towards your friend’s ex you need to be realistic about possible consequences. If you feel you could lose your friend over it, then you must decide whether your friendship is worth losing for the chance of a relationship with their ex. If your friend had a serious relationship with their ex and split up recently, then they probably won’t appreciate you making a move on their ex, so be prepared for a rough time. If their ex is willing to start dating you, ask yourself if it’s because they do genuinely like you or if they are trying to make your friend jealous. If you are in a circle of friends, then be prepared for others to judge you and expect possible fallout amongst the group.

Decide what you want

If you are just after a quick fling, then it’s not a good idea to use your friend’s ex like that; you will certainly upset your friend. If you genuinely have strong feelings for their ex and would like to start dating them seriously, then you need to try and work out if they could have feelings for you. If their previous relationship has only just ended, it’s best to wait a while before you make a move. However if you are certain they like you too, you need to ensure you know what you really want. Maybe they are the ones perusing you. Once you start seeing them, there’s no undoing the situation. If it turns out that your feelings are one sided, then there’s no need to tell your friend.

Be honest

You want your friend to find out about you dating their ex from you, not someone else and certainly not by them seeing you. Sit down as a couple and decide how and when you’re going to tell your friend that you’re dating. All you can do is be honest with them. Sit them down and tell them what’s going on and explain that their friendship is still important to you. Tell them everything from when you started having feelings for their ex, to what your intentions are. Be prepared for them to get upset, or angry, but they may be happy for you both. It might just take a little time for them to adjust to the idea of you dating someone they were once close to. It does really depend on how and when their relationship ended with their ex. If you are both committed to making a relationship work and you’ve been open about it, then there’s nothing holding you back. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to date their ex.

The future

If your friend is having trouble accepting your newfound happiness with their ex, and you’ve been truthful about your relationship, then there’s not much else you can do. In time they’ll learn to accept the situation, just try not to rub it in their face too much. Try and picture the situation from your friend’s point of view, which might help you to understand how they’re feeling and give you some idea of how you can get your friendship back on track. In time your friend will move on and start dating other people. If your friend seems to have handled the situation well, don’t push it too far by talking about your relationship with them; it may be enough to make them rethink how they feel.

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