grahame - Still on the shelf gathering more and more dust.

I'm an honest and GENUINE man,down to earth,very caring,will help anyone in GENUINE need but cannot abide alcoholic & druggie scroungers,especially the type that sit beside atm machines.
I do not like to see animals suffering,will help them where possible.
I'm quite easy going and laid back and definitley unconventional--but certainly not a pushover.
I'm in full time employment as part of the security team of a major world bank call centre(i'm not allowed to give more information than that).
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It would be nice to find a genuine "Normal" woman though(No,not Miss Abbie Normal!).
I am able to converse with anyone on any level, ie: STANDING UP,SITTING DOWN,LYING DOWN,BENT OVER ect.
I am also quite versatile & elasticated(BUT THAT WOULD BE STRETCHING THINGS TOO FAR!).
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How on earth do you describe yourself at 60+ without sounding like a used car?
Well how about this then:-Classic model,needs a new owner to travel down the highway of life.This classic model has a FULL MOT(everything works!),FULLY TAXED(allowed to play out),no sign of rust but has been garaged up for quite a while and has lost some of it's sparkle,but a good rubbing down will solve the problem(Hmmmmmmm---i like the sound of that,he says with tongue in cheek!).
Only one drawback to this model,it has a slightly wonky big end,but a good regular service should sort the problem out.So what do you think then,is it worth an offer while there's still some Vroooommmm left?
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I'm fully house trained(AMAZING ISN'T IT!).I even know what a hoover looks like and,believe it or not,i even know how to use it(STEP BACK IN STUPENDOUS SHOCK!!).And if that doesn't blow your mind i'm even capable of doing some cooking(MORE THAN JUST BEANS ON TOAST).
WHAT AN ABSOLUTELY DAZZLING NOVELTY COMBINATION!!!!
(After reading this part you'll probably need to have a lie down to recuperate after such a shock).
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>>>You don't stop laughing because you grow old>>>you grow old because you stop laughing!<<<
>>>>>>>>>I could have put all the usual drivel & torredecaca on here,but that is not me<<<<<<<<<
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WHAT YOU GET IS WHAT YOU CAN SEE AND READ--NO HIDDEN EXTRAS.(batteries not included).

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Grahame-with an "e".